The Ultimate Valentine’s Day

Produced and Directed by heart and spirit

As long as I can remember, I always dreaded Valentine’s Day.  This supposedly marvelous holiday, revolving around



always seemed to produce the opposite effect.  It never met the expectations and the hoopla that the media professed, falling far short of the romantic expression and passion we all crave in our lives.

When I was single and not dating anyone, Valentine’s Day reinforced my feelings of being alone, unloved and hopeless concerning my love life.  Even when I was in a loving relationship, no matter how much we planned and what my partner and I got for each other, something was always missing and again I felt empty and not particularly loved.  When speaking with my friends and clients in my practice as a clinical psychologist and relationship coach, whether male or female, this experience seemed to ring true for them as well.


For years I kept asking myself, “What’s wrong with me?”  Finally, a light bulb went off in my head.  The problem has been that Valentine’s Day has become a “doing” holiday.  We’ve been confusing romance with LOVE.  True love is not about “doing.”  It’s about “being” and feeling connected with myself and another deeply and intimately.  You can never truly experience love and caring from the extervalentines-day-67849_640nals  (the ego – the WHAT’s), where the goal is to accomplish a desired result, look good, or behave the correct way.  Pop culture has created a fertile environment for romantic illusion to blossom, focusing our attention on external issues like a romantic dinner, a fireplace, diamonds, flowers and the like.  The media’s artificial portrayal of love is sabotaging our chance for true connection and intimacy. In this light, I asked myself, “How can I reinvent the essence of Valentine’s Day to reflect this true vision of love?”  The answer is to transform each Valentine’s Day into a “Being” celebration.

Since most of our lives are hectic, involved in “doing” activities, we simply don’t take the time to be intimate and loving.  However, on Valentine’s Day, remembering that the essence of love is a soulful connection with ourselves and another, we can transform this day by creating an environment of intimacy, shared feelings, listening and spending quality time with ourselves and another, whether we are single or married.  What a treat it would be to have this special day and evening devoted to reflection and gratitude, thanking ourselves for being WHO we are.  Valentine’s Day can be a signpost of love when we allow ourselves time to slow down and remember who we are and what is really important and meaningful to ourselves and our partner in life.


“Being” activities, done alone or together, can be rejuvenating and truly intimate.  Taking a bubble bath, reading poetry, bringing flowers to a nursing home or to someone in the hospital, meditating, journaling – whatever touches our soul and is meaningful to us that we rarely get a chance to do, are the activities that can make Valentine’s a truly special day.  Remember, romance begins when we know and experience our essence and find the “lover” inside of ourselves and then share it with another.  It’s a magical experience, feeling like we’ve come home to ourselves.  This is the Ultimate Valentine’s Day, the true meaning of love.

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