Using Loss to Reinvent Yourself

As we have all experienced first hand, crises or transitions in life occur when we least expect it.  At 44, I was sailing along in life, happy with my career and family when, suddenly, like an explosion, everything changed.

First, both my in-laws died within a few months of each other.  Shortly thereafter, my wife was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer.  To add fuel to the fire, a few months before my wife passed away, my father suddenly became ill and died.

To say the least, I was totally devastated.  I was now alone!

I had stopped working to take care of my wife during her illness and, after her funeral, found myself with 24 empty hours each day, with no direction.  I’ve always been a people person, very extroverted and greatly enjoyed spending time with others.  Additionally, having a scientific and technological background, I spent most of my life as an agnostic, living exclusively in the five-sensory world. 

Now, I was faced with the dilemma of healing myself, finding purpose and making some sense out of this whole situation.  Life became totally surreal.  I felt like I was a stranger in my body.  It would have been easy for me to give up and become a victim. 

Instead, I chose this crisis period as an opportunity to transform.

Spending time by myself during this healing period, I became more intuitive and started valuing my feelings.  I was driven to go within to be in the quiet, spending time with myself living with the questions I had never before contemplated.  I began to realize there was more to my existence then I had ever imagined.

Instead of just relying on my five senses as I had in the past, I now began to look and experience life in a very different and contemplative way.

I always wanted to scuba dive and travel on my own.  I never had the opportunity or resources to do this, so during my transition, I became certified in diving and went on several trips to the Caribbean.  Diving somehow was very cathartic for me as I was immersed in silence and a world I had only dreamt about.

In addition, I also spent several months traveling alone, sometimes not talking to anyone for a week at a time.  I recall spending time in Washington DC at a ridiculously fancy hotel, wandering through the city each day, talking to no one other than waiters and waitresses.


Surprisingly, what I discovered was that no matter where I was, I enjoyed my company and was totally at peace.

At the same time, I began reading metaphysical and spiritual books and started internalizing their messages.  I felt my soul begin to direct my life and my personality.  I actually became a different person, looking at my life in a totally different way.

Apparently, this new me resided in my unconscious throughout my life and it took these crises to allow the new Jeff to manifest, directing and guiding my new purpose in life.

I was finally becoming conscious as I began connecting to my heart as well as my head.

As a result, when I began dating, my goals became different. Instead of simply looking for beauty and superficial external qualities, I began looking for a woman who totally resonated with my new life, a partner who would take care of me as well as I would take care of her.

A woman who would value the WHO qualities rather than the WHAT, someone I could share my life with who loved the outdoors and just BEING together.

Shortly thereafter,  I was in for a quite a surprise!

A year after losing everyone, I met Basha and my life has never been the same. Talk about transitions. Basha’s inspiration has offered me the opportunity to learn and grow in ways I could never have imagined.  We now live and spend 24/7 together with few power struggles that end very quickly.

Together, as spiritual partners, we made the decision to focus our lives on mutual learning and growth as well as contribution and service to others.

I feel truly blessed as a human being and hope to serve as a beacon for people who are looking to transform and re-invent their lives.

Have you gone through a life transition?  What was it?  How did it change you? Or didn’t it?  Please let us know how your transitions have affected your life and relationships, both positively and negatively.chiemsee-243697_640





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