Love without Blinders – excerpts

The Columbus Dispatch

By Dennis Fiely, Dispatch Accent Reporter

She could have married someone tall, dark and handsome. Instead, she married someone nice. The friendship-first Philosophy ensures lasting unions, according to Basha Kaplan, the renowned psychologist and author. “Most people don’t think about finding someone who is their best friend: they think about finding their great lover,” Kaplan said. “Love is not enough but friendship will conquer everything.”

The notion of “love at first sight” is a fool’s paradise, according to Kaplan. “Love is something that gets better the more you get to know someone. The allure of ‘love at first sight’ is losing yourself in a relationship to escape a humdrum life. They expect a prince or princess to take them away from everything and allow them to live happily ever after. It is not that way at all.”

Perfect relationships are fables, Kaplan insists. Yet many singles expect a “soul mate” — the one person who is right for them –to materialize by fate.

Knowing yourself — identifying your values, beliefs, desires, goals and limitations — is the first and most important step toward finding a lifetime mate. “Once you know who you are, you will know what kind of partner is right for you.”